On September 22, 2014, my husband was placed in the hospital, for medication review and was never allowed to come back home. This sucker punch made a direct hit, I didn't know if we would even or ever recuperate. Then the rapid descent into, confusion, fear, grief, sorrow, anger, frustration, paranoia, bitterness...the emotions were just too innumerable, all began.
As we entered in this unknown territory with great fear, of what tomorrow would bring, all the uncontrolled emotions just continued to rain down upon us daily. My husband was diagnosed with Lewy-Body Dementia. My security was for ever yanked away from me. Would I ever know security again?
Has peace become a distant memory, and joy now a stranger?
When the psychiatric doctor asked me what my plans were for Larry, I told him I planned to take him home with me. He seemed quite surprised by my reply. Then he began to discuss what could have caused the disease. My reply that it would not change the treatment then I would rather go forward than to worry with what could have caused this. It seemed a little late for that. Then days later the diagnosis came, it was LBD/DLB. I had not heard of this before, and would try to check it out later. Just wanted to get him home...
After ten days in the hospital, on October 1, 2014,It was revealed to me by the Doctor that Larry could not go home and I would need to find a Nursing Home for him, to be released from the hospital to the NH. So Larry entered into the horrible cold world of the Long-term Health Care System called the Nursing Home. Not only into the Nursing Home but on the dreaded locked down Alzheimer's Unit. For any one who has entered into the Long Term Health Care System, it is as if you have fallen into a rabbit hole and absolutely nothing can or will ever make sense any longer.
Now at this time private insurance could be used for a couple of months, (I was told it would cover for at least 3 months to 110 days, well it was for 60 days.) One among many tales I was going to be told in the many months to come. Then came the emergency conservatory that had to be done days past. Scramble, rush, driving to the hospital, to the lawyer, to the NH. Returning the calls to the State,going to court to appear before the Judge, dealing with the state, regarding the cost of Long-Term health Care.
Paper work became my new nightmare. Papers sent, copies made, signatures, more copies, mail, deliver, fax, return call to ....this one or that one. My head began to spin, with all the constant requests for paperwork to be found and paperwork to be signed. I could barely keep up. While all this was going on I was staying 6 - 10 hours each day with Larry who could not adapt to the change of his living situation. I couldn't explain, couldn't lie to him. Life was now nothing more than a complete failure to understand or grasp what was really ahead.
I had began to cry out to GOD long before, the hospitalization... but did HE hear, was He near, would I feel HIS joy and peace again? My God my God have You forsaken me? In my darkest hours as I sought HIM I found....in my search for GOD's hand, HE had never left, nor would I ever be alone. So I could not be dismayed or stay in my despair (which still comes to visit, but doesn't get to stay long.) For GOD is with me always!
So in your greatest despair please always remember this....
GOD LOVES YOU, and HE my friend will never leave you alone.
HE is waiting to hear from you.
You are HIS child and HE wants to take care of you.
JOSHUA 1 : 9
9) Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; Be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: For the Lord Thy GOD is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Oh holy Father God, we come to YOU with a thankful heart, for YOU are holy & just, and Your love for us is beyond our understanding. But Lord, for so many are very distraught and brokenhearted. We ask for YOUR mercy and grace that YOU bring us through our despair and use these vessels for YOUR glory alone. May YOU bring comfort with an understanding of the plan YOU have for us to do. That we open up to YOU and YOUR will, all to be done in us and through us. We ask in Jesus' Holy Name,
AMEN.
As my journey continues I hope you return for the rest of my story.......
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